Can’t Even Wait

The night before my children and I moved out of Lo Debar, I dreamt that I was in the apartment, but it looked different and there was darkness about. A female tried to come in the front door and she had a baby with her. I blocked her way and shouted that she can’t come in because we hadn’t even left yet. Then I started talking to a couple who are friends with GH. I told them that some woman tried to come in the apartment and I knew she was going to move in. I also told them GH was dishonoring us because he could at least wait for the children and me to move out before he started living as if he had no children. Then I was in another room and saw GH walk out the room. He had grown his hair out, but it looked wild and he had bald patches. Then I walked into another room, the only one that had the lights on, and it was a church, my church. I saw some of the members and they turned and smiled at me. Then I walked into the hallway and saw GH coming towards me. I yelled at him saying, “Satan leave me alone! You have no more power over me! In the name of Jesus! Thank you Lord!” In the dream, I expected to see an evil spirit leave GH’s body, but GH walked backwards instead. So, the following poem was inspired by my dream and some ‘conversations’ I’ve had.


Can’t Even Wait

It is so sad that you can’t even wait
For us to leave so you can do your dirt
Don’t even want to spend time with you own children
Running off to be with your “friend”
Going on a date, a hay ride
And we ain’t even left yet!
And you trying to rationalize things
Saying that you were not able to do what
you wanted to do for the last three years
Said you wanted to go on a hay ride with me last year
That I was too worried about spending money
But you forgot that you were fired from your job
That I was the only one working
That we had a baby on the way

It is such a shame that you can’t even wait
For us to leave so you can do your thang
Didn’t even return my calls
When our baby was sick with fever and
I needed your help because I was tired and sick myself
And you trying to explain things
Said you met “a friend” and went over to their house
Said you didn’t mean to stay over there the whole night
But you forgot that you have children
That we’re still “legally” married
That we haven’t even left yet

Your selfishness repulses me
It’s so pitiful,
the “man” you have become
It just infuriates me because
You can’t even wait.

 ~crystal awkward 2009


Posted on November 3, 2009, in Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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